Monday, February 19, 2007
Relationships and Men's Rights Activism
I've been thinking about this topic since I first got into the Men's Movement and started reading all the blogs, forums and books on it. Especially Warren Farrell's stuff - he focuses on relationships quite a bit in his books, and I couldn't help but keep thinking about my own relationship while reading his books. Not only my current relationship, but previous ones - how I got the girl, how I persuaded her, how I patriarchally oppressed her into kissing, making out and fucking, all of that good stuff. Especially the getting the girl part. For a while I used to feel that as I get in a stronger position every day as I grow richer and more attractive, I can have my pick of women without ever needing to marry.
But now, I don't know. Will I even want to go on a date where I'm expected to systematically patriarchally oppress the poor woman by opening her car door, paying her compliments, paying for the dinner, and ensuring she has a great time? I was a different man when I was wooing my honey, and I don't know what lengths I'd go to for some pussy if I needed to do it all over again. A good woman is worth her weight in gold, but mining is such hazardous work, you have to question whether its worth it, whether its worth the risk of digging up fool's gold and suffering as a result of it.
However, I'll come out front and say it - I think that Men's Rights Activism is as good for a relationship as Feminism is to one.
That is to say, being an MRA will ensure that you are fully equipped to look at your relationship dispassionately and view all the intricacies in a new light, one that could be more jaundiced.
Now, I certainly won't pretend that I can speak for everyone. I know tons of MRA's who have healthy and happy relationships, some with their significant others sharing in their activism. They have found a way to make their relationship work - they've taken the MRA position but found a way to make it work with their relationship.
At the same time, I don't think my relationship is on the rocks or anything. I think my girlfriend is wonderful, our relationship is great, and I recognize that for most men, you have to have two personalities to start and maintain a relationship.
Most women out there are not happy with the MRA message - maybe they have misconceptions about it, maybe they think that men are supposed to be the load-bearing asses of society, maybe they think that women are superior. Whatever the case, most women are extremely happy with feminism, and see Men's Rights Activism as hurting them. And unlike men, they aren't used to hurting.
While we were having a heart-to-heart talk, she said that she doesn't think MRActivism is good for me - she said its not good to be in either extreme - not an MRA (of course she didn't use that word) and not a feminist.
And I couldn't help but agree. I told her that what we talk about are areas where men are discriminated against, and she was OK with that.
One thing that came to me in a brainwave was that if you have the same mistrust of women that feminists do of men, you really are no better off than the feminists.
I told her that I'm trusting her and this proves that I'm not completely bonkers. I told her that just as she trusts me not to rape her or beat her up (I'm bigger and stronger), I trust her not to falsely accuse me of rape or domestic violence - in this way we have a balance. I don't know how much of that got through to her, but it made perfect sense to me.
To me, not trusting any woman would be like a feminist not trusting men and turning into a bitter old spinster femhag.
Now, of course I'm glossing over a few bits. The above statement assumes that the femhag actually really believes in the feminist dogma, which most of the famous ones don't, we've seen how they marry up, have children and "give up their careers" and all that.
I'm also glossing over the fact that false rape accusations and using domestic abuse as a pawn to get what you want is millions of times more acceptable than actual rape or actual man-on-woman domestic violence.
And of course, feminism is based on lies where men's rights activism seeks to expose the truth.
Notwithstanding all that, I still think that relationships are fraught with danger when coupled with men's rights activism or feminism.
Posted at 2/19/2007 05:06:00 AM