Friday, November 10, 2006

The Reversal of 'This was no accident'

You may have read the following article: This Was no Accident. Its about how women often entrap men into paying for and supporting babies they never wanted, whether they're the man's own babies or an unknown other's babies.

This post is sort of a reversal of that, but with far less serious consequences for the woman involved. Links change, so I'll mirror the content here. With anti-feminist material, its good to have all the information spread out so that when the feminists win a small victory (like Ilkka's blog or the old dontmarry boards) the war is not lost.
I'll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago:

I got a vasectomy.

I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

We date for a few months. I never made any move towards committment but she brought it up occassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri.

So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.

Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically.

It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notorized copy of the TWO test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready.

I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.

She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?"

Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a slut. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsbilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.

I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.

I tell her simply, "You're screwed".

Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.

I continue. "I am sterile"

Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of shit. You're trapped and you know it."

I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine."

This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "Bullshit, those are fakes."

I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine."

I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.

I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.

Epilog -

I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.

The Moral of the Story -

Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.

Beautiful story, poetic justice.


  1. "The Moral of the Story -
    Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret."

    The male pill would have a similar effect, except that it would be a game of bluff until the birth with her maintaining that you must've forgotten to take it and you praying you didn't. For that reason, a solution that protects us for multiple months at a time would be better.

    I suspect the larger benefit would be that women would never know whether you would be able to turn round and 'aha' them so they would be much less inclined to go getting themselves 'accidentally' pregnant in the first place.

    PS Given the limited moral scruples of your ex and the stats which show revenge as a major motivator for false accusations, I'd suggest that getting the lawyer involved was probably a very smart move as otherwise there might have been a serious danger of her turning round and screaming rape/abuse here.

  2. This is the BEST story I've heard in a long time! And she's a classic example of the Generation X selfish, self-absorbed "I-want-a-baby" bitch, instead of being married and planning for a family with her husband. Some women will do ANYTHING to get what they want.

  3. Indeed Jen, and the exact reason women should be quick to call dishonest women like her on their dishonesty is because, like it or not, silence is assent.

    Not saying anything means you're agreeing with her, and when you agree that a man should have no say in his child's making, you go against thousands of years of evolution and culture.

  4. Ha ha, very nice! Looks like you beat me to it! :D

  5. I wish my fiance would have a vasectomy. Maybe I'm weird, but I don't want kids. I want vacations. With just my favorite person of all time - my husband.

  6. I totally love this story because a women is trying to accuse my fiance of having his child, but keeps dodging paternity tests its been 15 years of this b.s. and I this story made me laugh because some women really need to be taught a lesson

  7. This did make me laugh, but as to the moral of the story... Why keep the vasectomy a secret? If a woman keen on doing something like this knows from the get-go that you have a vasectomy and are sterile, she probably won't (or will at least be a lot less likely) to try this spiel on you in the first place. Then you won’t have to deal with all the drama and the hassle of getting the doctor’s statement, test results, talking to your lawyer, etc.

    Seems like a better way to go about it, no? Unless of course, you want something like this to happen.