Women speak in Right, Men listen in Wrong

Here's a webpage that was either written by a spineless man hoping to get one up on his fellow men by putting all of us down, or by a run of the mill woman who hates men just like she loves kittens. It comes easy to them you know, as hard as it is for men to hate women, it is exactly the opposite for women.

Not only are they aware of the wonderful fact of life called "Pussy Power" and that they have automatic power over pretty much any man who crosses their path, either directly or indirectly, but they are bombarded with songs which encourage them to hate men as a class. And its not just the K-16 feminist indoctrination camps, it is the mass media - every waking hour, as long as the TV is on, the garbage just keeps spewing forth.

According to women, women can not do no wrong. And according to men, whatever women say is right, because they might just get fired by someone who does think that whatever women say is right.

So anyway,

Women Speak in Estrogen and Men Listen in Testosterone

Sure, you thought you already knew that. But now we have proof. After countless hours of surveys and studies on the following topics, these facts have emerged.

Relationships:

First of all, a man does not call a relationship a relationship - he refers to it as "that time when me and Suzy were doing ‘it’ on a semi-regular basis".

When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men are idiots". Then she will get on with her life.

A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total bitch. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us".

This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% if not all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need, alas, these classes rarely prove effective.

Sex:

Women prefer 30 - 40 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30 - 40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay

Maturity:

Women mature much faster than men do. Most 17 year old females can function as adults. Most 17 year old males are still playing computer games.

This is why school romances rarely work out.

Magazines:

Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day.

Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.

Handwriting:

To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just scribble. Women use scented, coloured stationery and they dot their i's with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their p's and g's it is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Comedy:

Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching television, and an episode of the Three Stooges comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited, they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions of Curly, man's favourite. The woman will roll their eyes and groan and wait it out.

Bathrooms:

A man has six items in his bathroom;- a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from some hotel. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Groceries:

A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the shop and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half an orange and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout, his trolley is packed tighter than any refugee’s belongings. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10 items or less checkout.

Shoes:

When preparing for work, a woman will put on a designer wool suit, and then slip on Reebok shoes. She will carry her dress shoes in a designer label plastic bag. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.

Going Out:

When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she WILL be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her earring, finishes putting on her makeup, and decides what dress to wear.

Cats:

Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

Dressing Up:

A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the rubbish, answer the phone, read a book, get the post. A man will dress up for;-weddings, or funerals.

Laundry:

Women do their laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his slip pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a trailer and take his mountain of clothes to the laundry. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundry. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of Levi’s ads.

Style:

Nicknames:

If Mary, Suzanne, Jane and Alice get together for lunch, they will call each other Mary, Suzanne, Jane and Alice. But if Mike, Dave, Tom and Jack go out for a pint, they will affectionately refer to each other as Butt-Head, Tosser, Peanut-Brain and Useless.

Eating out:

When the bill comes, Mike, Dave, Tom and Jack will each throw in £20 note, even though it's only for £22.50, none of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

Mirrors:

Men are vain, they will always check themselves out in a mirror. Women are ridiculous, they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, and Tom’s head.

The Telephone:

Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will phone the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Directions:

If a woman is out driving, and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a petrol station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there" and, "I know I'm in the general area, I recognise that pub".

Admitting Mistakes:

Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who admitted he was wrong was General Custer.

Plants:

A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five or six days later to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.

Garages:

Women use garages to park their cars and store their lawnmowers. Men use garages for many things. They hang car parts in garages, they avoid women in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches in garages.

Jewellery:

Women look nice when they wear jewellery. A man can get away with wearing one ring and that's it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Shay.