Saturday, September 22, 2007

Marriage is a bitch

I saw this post on a forum that I visit the other day... this guy is married with a toddler, and his wife is starting the descent into insanity that will end with him penniless and unable to see his kid. Men who marry today are just stupid.

Alrighty, here goes...wanted to get some general opinion on this and see how common this kind of thing is.

Last night, my buddy Mike calls me and asks if I want to go engagement ring shopping with him. Long story short, I end up not going, but tell him that I'll come over to his house to check it out when he gets home. In the meantime, my wife wants to watch a movie. We end up watching the movie, which was turning out to be pretty good, and she ends up falling asleep. I turn the DVD off and tell her that I'm going to go to Mike's because he really wants me to see it (he was proud, ya know), and that this would be be only chance to do so before he pops the question (we are heading out of town today to visit the in-laws). She looks at me like I just lit a baby on fire.

I ask her what is wrong...she just stares at me, looks at the clock, then looks back at me and says "That is just STUPID!, it's so late!". Granted, it was about 10pm, but that's not incredibly late, he only lives a mile from my house, and I wasn't going to be there long. He's a good friend, and really just wanted to show it off. I then call him, and tell him that I wont be coming over because my wife said it was stupid that I'd want to come over so late, so in order to avoid a fight, I'm just going to stay home. She hears this, and says "Oh fuck you!". She then runs in to the kitchen where I am and screams "FUCK YOU! I didn't say you were stupid! I can have my own opinions! We don't have to agree on everything, FUCK YOU!".

Now, this isn't the first time she has talked to me like this. Last week she cut me down and I spent three nights on the couch because I didn't want to sleep near her. There have been plenty of other times she has done shit like this. One time, she was sitting down with our daughter on her lap and screamed "you're a total FUCK" at me.

Hell, one night we went out to a local bar to watch a band play. I'd had four drinks the entire night. We came home, went to bed etc. Her mom was staying the night and had babysat for us. Well, I guess at about 4 am, I woke up, went to the bathroom, started moaning and pissed all over the sink. She came in to the bathroom and asked me what I was doing and I replied "Computer programming" and went back to bed. Obviously I had been sleep walking, as I've been known to do. I finally came to with her screaming at me telling me how she was going to call the cops on me because I was "so drunk". I reminded her that we had a totally lucid, normal conversation when we came home, and since I wasn't drunk then, how could I be drunk after sleeping for two hours? It was super great, especially since her mom got hear her daughter SCREAM at her "drunk" husband about how she was going to have him arrested, for being "drunk" in his own house.

I know this isn't "normal", but how common is stuff like this in marriages?

Oh its really common boyo. More common than you think. And if your wife were a man, you'd be able to get her hauled away on multiple domestic violence charges, have her go through anger management classes, forced therapy (brainwashing) according to the Duluth Model of Men are Always Perpetrators, the whole nine yards.

But since she's a woman, she's immune. She can call the police at any time and have you taken away. And other men will laugh at you and say "You must have done something to provoke her, she's a woman, only next to God in virtue."

Here's a clueless fuck:

Haha, I'm not married, but in my relationship experience it happens pretty rarely. I'm going to guess that she will apologize for over reacting. What is wrong with your relationship that you're not allowed to go to a friends house? Especially if she was sleeping after you ditched a friends big plans to hang out with her for some (apparently) boring ass movie?

Rationalize with her, and if she doesn't follow, then just drop it and wait for her to think it over.

Here's someone who believes the man is ALWAYS at fault:

How come you didn't want to sleep near her?

Because she cut him down in an argument.
Here's further explanation by the idiot who got married:
Well, yes, I did say that. More or less because she get's mad any time I hang out with my friends. Basically she gets mad if I go out to a bar, for any length of time, because for some reason, she can go out with her friends to a bar, but I cannot. Not sure why that is. However, on this particular night, I wasn't going to a bar, was simply going to a friends house. Any time I go anywhere with friends I get the third degree. My friends rarely visit because they feel uncomfortable in my home.
Controlling behavior, nagging and withholding sex are the order of the day when you've signed over yourself into lifetime servitude. The worst part is all the idiots in the thread who just can not imagine that the woman could possibly be at fault. It is just unthinkable for them. They keep coming up with excuses for her, trying to elicit some sort of confession from the married dolt that he has done something to upset her, maybe if not in this life then in a past life, if not then maybe there's some other way he's at fault... its just insane.
She works outside of the home, school teacher. She did not work, she was finishing up college. My behavior has changed some.

The day we brought home our daughter, my wife basically pretended that I no longer existed in the home. I thought it was a "phase" that a lot of new families go through. The thing is, it never changed. She devotes ALL of her attention to our daughter while she is at home and awake. This sounds great in theory, but it's almost over bearing.

It has gotten to the point where my daughter, now almost two, has no independence what-so-ever when mommy is around. My daughter even flat out rejects me when my wife is around. When my wife is not around, my daughter is super affectionate and fun to play with. Hates me when the wife is around though. My wife has even flat-out told me that our daughter gets all of her attention when she is awake. Afterwards is her time to grade, and after that, if there is time, that time she can give to me.
See that? That's what is in store for you if you get married. This is why Parental Alienation Syndrome is not recognized - because its the order of the day, its what 90% of marriages with kids are like. A quote:
Basically, I think she resents me.
Probably, because you knocked her up and ruined her life. And yours, too.
Pinning responsibility on a woman? AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.
We are not intimate very often. Maybe once every 10 days or so, and most of the time, she is pretty disinterested and makes it out to be like she is doing me some huge favor. Daughter is almost two. She wasn't really like this prior to my daughter's birth. I do not think she was terribly upset by my sleeping on the couch.

Another poster replied with "You sound like you're willing to accept horrible treatment and haven't established what you will and won't accept in a relationship. Your partner is completely neglectful of your needs, and that means it's not much of a relationship."
----------It's not that I'm willing to accept that, and it's not that I haven't tried to establish bounds, but seriously, and I mean this, how does one try to set these bounds, and have them crushed time and time again, and still try to have said bounds. I don't know what I'm trying to say...i've told her that I do not want to be talked to that way. I've told her to never do it again. She keeps doing it. What do you do to remedy that? I really don't know.

She had the summer off, for the most part. She did a few random catering gigs for weddings. The summer was about the same, maybe a little worse. I was working full time (still am, of course) and she was staying home. There would be trash on the floor, dishes laying around the house, laundry not done, filth everywhere.

I did a lot of the cleaning. Not once during the summer did I come home to a decent looking home. I'm not saying "its a woman's job to do a woman's work, har har har" I am simply saying that if you have an entire summer off (without pay, she wasn't contracted yet), and I'm working, still doing the yard work, cleaning the cars, etc, I could have at least gotten a clean home once.

Instead it fell to shambles, and that bothered me a lot. She told me the whole reason nothing was getting done was because she "didnt have time" but oddly, she had time to take all kinds of fucking surveys on the internet. every day.
Here's an idiot who would fucking lick the ass of a whore on the street just because she's so superior to the male sex in every way:
She's probably depressed. Teaching is a demanding, thankless profession. Some people just aren't cut out for it.

As for her sitting home all summer, the transition from work->no work is stressful, and then she has only two months before she has to go back to her thankless, packed-full schedule, so she feels like she shouldn't have to work around the house (my wife is also a teacher, and she comments on this at times - thankfully, she deals with it in a more positive manner).

Your wife is unhappy, and you're there at home and it's convenient for her to take her frustrations out on you. Sounds like she's taking you for granted. This is common in marriages, and it's something marriage counselors see and work with all the time.
And THIS is the pinnacle of the whole skimmity-riding thread.
Play another DVD,and when she falls asleep, it's OK to do the nasty. She's your wife, and this is well withing your rights as a husband.
How the fuck do people not know about the concept of marital rape? Why the hell are men so goddamn stupid? Why don't they know all this stuff, they have parents, neighbors, friends, uncles who went through the bullshit of marriage, divorce, alimony and child support, did they not? Why don't they fucking learn?

I can excuse somebody who recently came to the US and wants to fit their culture in with American laws, but how the hell does a man who has lived here his whole life, who doubtless knows men who were devastated in divorce, think "OH THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, I'LL MARRY!" People are way too ignorant of the truth, as is demonstrated above.

I'm betting that marital rape was enshrined in law before this jackass was a twinkle in his mother's eye, yet he thinks that we're in the 1950s or something. "This is well within your rights as a husband" indeed.

Hey you idiot, the husband has NO RIGHTS in marriage or in divorce. Get that through your thick skull.