An old woman, alone.
And old man, not alone.
For some time now, I've been working on a new operating philosophy on the subject of being single. And the experiences of a good friend who recently got married has kind of helped to crystallize it.
For about a year leading up to the engagement, this guy agonized over whether he should ask her to marry him. And his main problem wasn't over the fact that she was already divorced and had two small kids from a previous marriage to a guy who was kind of a nutcase. It wasn't even over the fact that her Islamic parents refused to even meet him because he was a Jew.
He couldn't decide if he should marry her because she wasn't particularly good looking and she just didn't really turn him on at all. And after he told me about this for the about sixteenth or seventeenth time, I finally asked him if he loved her. And his answer was really interesting. He said that, now that he was in his mid-30s, he was afraid this would be his last chance to find somebody to settle down with, and that sometimes you just have to take the opportunities that are available.
So this guy was so afraid of being single the rest of his life that he married a woman that he didn't really love and that he wasn't even particularly attracted to.
And just the other day, he emailed me to tell me all about what stupid brats the kids are, what a pain in the ass the ex is, and what an "A+ certifiable bitch" the wife is. So I just emailed him back and said, Look dude, this is exactly what you signed up for, and you know it, and the truth is that if you didn't have the stupid brat kids and the pain in the ass ex and the A+ bitch to complain about, that's when you'd really be miserable.
So my theory is that the fear of ending up single drives a lot of people to marry people that they really shouldn't be with. The difference between the guy who posted the craigslist story and most other guys is that he came to his senses before it was too late. Most guys actually would put up with that crap and worse for the rest of their lives.
That post by dataguy really hit home for me - I've been afraid of being all old and alone ever since I figured out you could insert Tab A into Slot B for a lot of happy fun time, and for good reason.
Everyone you know brainwashes you that that's what's going to happen if you don't marry as soon as possible. Somehow, in today's society, the message is twisted up so that women are told that they are carefree and happy when they're single, and men everywhere are lined up and would drop everything for these princesses if they were asked to. Whereas men are worthless without a girlfriend or wife, and are seen as outcasts if they are single.However, real life is totally different.
Women have all the power from about puberty to 30-35, then its all downhill. A 40 year old man can easily find a hot 25 year old woman to settle down with, but nobody's going to be looking at a 40 year old woman seriously.
Another MSM lie? Throw it on top of that festering pile over there...
Everyone you know brainwashes you that that's what's going to happen if you don't marry as soon as possible. Somehow, in today's society, the message is twisted up so that women are told that they are carefree and happy when they're single, and men everywhere are lined up and would drop everything for these princesses if they were asked to. Whereas men are worthless without a girlfriend or wife, and are seen as outcasts if they are single.However, real life is totally different.
Women have all the power from about puberty to 30-35, then its all downhill. A 40 year old man can easily find a hot 25 year old woman to settle down with, but nobody's going to be looking at a 40 year old woman seriously.
Another MSM lie? Throw it on top of that festering pile over there...
By the way, here's a link to that craigslist post dataguy is referring to.
This might sound crazy, what this friend of yours is feeling is what feminists called "Being Suppressed" not too long ago?
ReplyDeleteOh, men's emotions are definitely being suppressed if that's what you're talking about.
ReplyDeleteI am in the Third World (Mexico). In the country. Yeah, older men can get a woman here. I even discovered that a 14 year old young friend had fallen in love with me. No, I am not going to prison. I am a faithful husband and she is an excellent young girl.
ReplyDeleteA mature friend in whom I confided on this said it is common here for young girls to fall in love with older men. (But, 50 years older is a bit much???) She says if I continue simply to treat her like a friend, she will outgrow it, but it serves a real positive purpose in that she learns what sort of man she wants to marry.
I also know an old man, around 80, who has a new family, his woman is around 28 years old, and they have been together nearly 10 years. he is an educated man, and I think that makes a difference.